A Nonsensical Story
by The Musical Chronicles
Summary: Welcome to Wonderland Kyon, where a hyperactive Queen rules the land full of monotone caterpillars, furries, homicidal guards, and insane tea parties.
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

--Chapter One: _Down the Rabbit Hole--_

"We're going on a picnic!" Haruhi exclaimed with sparkling eyes, which of course meant she was up to no good. "There's an abandoned park near my house, it's all lush and green and right next to an awesome forest, perfect for a nice lunch!"

Why is it abandoned? Wait, actually, don't answer that. I probably don't want to know anyway.

Haruhi's eyes began drilling into my skull, the twinkles being replaced, just for me, with a look of flat boredom. "Have something to add, Kyon?"

I had learned from experience that you couldn't disagree on anything Haruhi said. Ever. Sure you could argue with her, but 99% of the time she'd simply ignore you. So it was best if I just left it at that. Besides, it was a nice and serene suggestion (an excellent change from her usual outlandish ideas if I must say), a picnic in a quiet park… how bad could it be?

…How come whenever I say that something bad _always_ happens?

Koizumi had his same smile plastered on his face. "That sounds like a fine idea. What time are we going to meet there?" the esper-boy-wonder asked.

"This Saturday, ten o'clock sharp!" the brunette answered, mouth twisting up in a smirk. "And anybody late will receive a penalty!" She sent a quick glance my way as if to say, _That means you_.

The beautiful Asahina-san raised her hand delicately; face shy and cute as she spoke. "Will we have to bring anything?" she questioned in her soft, angelic voice. Ah, Asahina-san, I could swoon….

Haruhi giggled maliciously, running around the desks of the clubroom to practically tackle Asahina. "No need, Mikuru-chan!" she said, her face close to the whimpering Asahina-san as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "I have everything taken care of! Thank you for worrying, unlike _other_ members of the Brigade."

She sent another heated glare in my direction.

"Now, everybody better show up tomorrow! You'll all make it!" It was an order – Haruhi never bothered asking whether we could attend things or not.

Koizumi chuckled softly, shrugging his shoulders. "I believe I have time. I can always make room for Her Highness, of course."

Stop sucking up already. It's getting on my nerves.

After being released from Haruhi's perverted grasp, Asahina-san nodded her head and smiled. "I'll come, I promise."

Nagato sat in her corner and continued reading her book, just nodding once. Typical Nagato.

Haruhi looked pleased – smiling wildly as she grabbed her backpack and began to head for the door. "Alright! See you guys there! Don't be late!"

As the door slammed shut behind her, I found myself wondering clichéd things such as "What could possibly go wrong?" and "Nothing will happen – it's just a simple outing."

Oh the irony.

And that's how I found myself at the edge of the woods setting up a checkered blanket and laying out several sandwiches pondering what Haruhi was up to.

---

"Okay, Haruhi, what are you up to?" I asked as the girl picked up her sandwich and began stuffing it down her throat.

She swallowed hastily and rolled her eyes. "Just because I want to do something quiet once in a while doesn't mean it's the end of the world, Kyon."

Who are you and what have you done with Haruhi Suzumiya?

Asahina-san, Nagato, and Koizumi were all there as well. We were sitting in a makeshift circle, Nagato to my left and Koizumi to my right with Haruhi and the gentle Asahina across from us. Nagato had swallowed her sandwich in one bite (that girl can eat, man), while the other two had just started eating.

Haruhi, deciding she didn't want to humor me anymore, leaned backwards and looked off into the forest. "It's perfect, isn't it?" she asked distantly, smilingly softly.

It is too perfect. What's going on here? It's like one of my slowly-getting-repetitive dreams: Haruhi actually cooling down for once and all of the Brigade members happily getting along.

Suddenly, the dark-eyed girl snapped her head to the side and stood up immediately. "What was that?! Did you see it?!"

All of us looked up at her, confused. Her eyes were big and her fists were clenched with excitement. "I just saw something disappear into the forest! This park is abandoned – maybe it's monster or a wanted criminal!"

I predicted it alright. And is it really wise to chase after something we don't know? Knowing you it probably is a monster or something. Or it could also just be a woodland creature like a squirrel or rabbit; it doesn't always have to be—.

Haruhi grabbed Asahina-san by the collar of her shirt and dragged her up. "C'mon! I'm not waiting for any of you! I'm following it!" Dragging the wailing Asahina behind her, Haruhi took off at a dead sprint into the forest.

It was only natural that I stood up as well, and the other two followed my example. I glanced at their faces for a second – Nagato was emotionless, as always, but Koizumi's normally smiley expression had a hint of worry on it.

So the three of us followed the daring duo into the woods, pretty much tripping over tree trunks every five seconds. God, I didn't even know forests like this existed anymore.

"Stop!" I nearly ran into Haruhi's outstretched hand. She was pointing to a large hole in the ground, where for only an instant I saw something white disappear into it. "It's a monster! I'm sure of it!" Her breaths were now small and rapidly growing more excited.

Crap.

Koizumi was brave enough to wander around Haruhi and peer into the hole. "It looks a bit big for any creature I know of," he said, seemingly interested, "so there is a possibility it could belong to a monster. Perhaps a Japanese Bigfoot? Though I don't believe those live in burrows."

Haruhi let go of Asahina-san to look into the thing herself. "It's so big I bet one of us could climb down into it…!" she whispered eagerly.

Oh no, please don't suggest that. You're actually going to be serious. What if it's deeper than it looks? We'll be climbing down for ages….

"Not us," Haruhi said, smirking devilishly. "You."

_What_?!

"Feel obligated – you get the privilege of being the first member of the SOS Brigade to head deep down into the unknown! We should have one of the lower members go first so they can break our fall if one of us accidentally lets go." She had her hands on her hips and was standing triumphantly.

I was wearing a look of disgust on my face. "Are you insane, Haruhi?! I'm not going down there!" Who in there right mind would, anyway? Oh wait, that's right, you would.

"Stop being stubborn." Oh, you're one to talk. "Well, you look like you're not going down it freely." She rolled her eyes. "Guess I'll just have to make you then."

Like a lioness pouncing on her prey, Haruhi grabbed the collar of my shirt and started dragging me forward.

Whoa whoa whoa! What the hell are you doing?!

I tried to struggle out of her grasp, but she was too quick and smart for me. She spun me around, and with a simple push, she released me to stumble backwards.

Right into the hole.

I tried to catch myself, but I couldn't – Haruhi's push was too forceful. I fell backwards with my arms outstretched, freefalling into oblivion.

The hole was much _deeper_ than I imagined.

And the last logical thing I could remember before I plunged into complete darkness were three shocked faces staring down at me and one emotionless one.

* * *

A/N: Yup, it's another Alice in Wonderland parody. I'm sure there's many of you facepalming right about now.

I know my first person Kyon sucks. xD But, I dunno, I think this story in paticular would flow better that way. So, as you can see, I'm writing with Japanese honorifics. Everybody seems to except for me and I feel sort of left out... so, why not.

My original first chapter was like, 5,000 words or something crazy like that, so I shortened it dramatically to fit the Haruhi novel style (I've just read the first three online so don't expect any Anti-SOS Brigade characters). So some characters (like Mikuru) feel left out, I know. This also has not been beta'd, so there's probably a few typos and grammar issues here and there.

Hope you enjoy!


	2. And Through the Door

--Chapter Two: _And_ _Through the Door_--

Holy shit.

How long have I been falling?

I looked around – there were now objects whizzing past me, like achient tables, rocking chairs, hourglasses and things you never see anymore. But I'd been falling for such a long time… it felt like hours. Maybe it was hours. Hell, I don't know. Most people would be freaking out right about now, but for me, I wasn't all that surprised. I'd seen a lot stranger.

As I was thinking about this, I couldn't help but notice the floating things around me had stopped and were left high above, the dim lights illuminating them just barely.

Weird. Why would they….

_Squish_.

My thoughts were cut off as I hit the ground at full force. _Ow_. Yet, somehow, I wasn't all that hurt. My impact was actually somewhat soft… comfortable, even, where I was sitting. When I opened my eyes, I came face to face with an ocean of blue….

"Get off of me, you incompetent _fool_!"

Oh my God, the ocean was talking!

…Wait, no it wasn't. Actually, I think I landed on someone. I stood up immediately, and much to my horror, I did land on someone.

A homicidal maniac, to be precise.

Asakura Ryoko, the mad-in-the-head alien who had tried to kill me a while back, sat up straight and began combing out her hair with her fingers. "Stupid humans, to think that I tried to blend in with a species so idiotic and clumsy…" she muttered before standing up herself.

Out of reflex, I took a couple of steps back. She noticed this and let out a small giggle. "Don't worry, Kyon. I'm not going to kill you." She glanced to the side shiftily. "Today, anyway. Tee hee~."

I must have been staring at her with a pretty stupid expression on my face, because she laughed again, a little harder. "If you're wondering how I've returned, let's just say a certain entity wished it."

Haruhi. Duh.

"Actually, I was told to stay in character, so I suppose that's breaking the rules." Asakura put a finger to her chin as she pondered this. "Hmm, well, I guess that's a reason to tell you to shut up and not ask anymore questions." She smiled innocently, but to me it looked sick and twisted.

Okay, I'm confused.

For instance, where am I?

Why the hell are you still alive? I thought Nagato wiped you out for good. I don't think Haruhi's powers can revive the dead.

Speaking of which, where is she? Didn't she say she was coming down with me?

Damn it. She didn't, did she.

"Didn't I say shut up?" she asked with that same smile. "Anyway, the White Rabbit just went through that door." She pointed behind her, and suddenly, a door appeared. It was small, like a cat door, and didn't really match the hugeness of the circular room we were in.

Wait, what rabbit?!

"You would know if you arrived here sooner. Look behind you." I spun around to see an antique table standing before me that, obviously, hadn't been there before. It was one of the ones I saw while I was plummeting to my doom. There was a small, clear bottle on the table with a label attached.

'DRINK ME.'

Ahaha. Nice one. There was no way I was drinking anything suspicious, especially if it's related to Haruhi. Were you trying to poison me? Get me high? Whatever it is, it's not going to work.

Asakura chuckled softly. "Wow, you humans are stupid. It says drink me."

I know what it says!

"Well then why don't you?" She tilted her head to the side, which would have looked cute if I didn't know she was probably hiding a knife somewhere. "It's the only way you're going to get through the door. You can't squeeze through that thing and neither can I."

So you're saying the only way to get through the door and escape here (away from you) is to drink some weird liquid that will somehow magically shrink me down to five inches?

"Uh huh~."

Jeez. Well, it seemed I had no other choice. It was either take a risk and try it or be stuck here God knows how long with this crazy alien. Fine, I'll do it.

I grabbed the open bottle and hesitantly raised it up to my lips. I hope you're happy, Haruhi. In one swift motion, I drank the liquid inside in one gulp, and smacked my lips together after it was finished.

Huh. Tasted kind of like instant ramen, like the cheap kind.

I felt myself get dizzy, and the world around me started spinning. Urgh, what a horrible feeling… the already massive walls that were around me started stretching higher into the heavens, or… wait, no, _I_ was shrinking. I was getting smaller and smaller, until I stopped at roughly four inches, a perfect size for the door.

Asakura towered above me, able to step and squish me if she wanted to (which wasn't a pleasant thought). She smiled and waved. "Good for you!" Her voice would have been bellowing, but she lowered it to a whisper that was still loud for my tiny ears. "Okay, run along now! Go chase that Rabbit!"

She was saying more praises, but I wasn't listening anymore. I was happy to be able to get out of there. I creaked open the door and peered into the blackness. Slowly and silently, I took a cautious step into the doorway.

_Oh my freaking God I'm falling again_!

I swear I could hear Asakura laughing her ass off as I once again tumbled into the gloom, unsure of what lied ahead.

* * *

A/N: Short chapter is short.

Umm, hopefully you're not expecting this to be awesome or anything. It's just something I write in my free time whenever I get bored. I've always loved Alice so I have 20+ parodies of it scattered around my dinosaur of a computer. Oh, and thank you for those of you who reviewed. I'm probably going to edit out the honorifics when I get the chance to start writing again.

Hope you enjoyed. Sorry if there are any grammar or spelling issues. I don't check very thoroughly.


	3. Where We Get Advice From a Caterpillar

--Chapter Three: _Where We Get Advice from a Caterpillar_--

_Thump_.

You know, it wasn't quite as painful as the last time, which was good, especially since the last time didn't hurt much either.

But it did give me a tasty bruise in the nose.

I rolled over onto my back and looked up to the sky – large trees towered above me menacingly… and after closer inspection (which meant getting up off my sore butt) I realized they weren't trees, but actually flowers and blades of grass… and the treetops themselves were so high up I couldn't see them.

So apparently I was still four or so inches.

I had reached the conclusion that this must be Haruhi's doing – maybe this was a closed space or something? It was a parallel universe alright, so it wouldn't surprise me if it was. God, where's Koizumi when you need him?

Anyway, Asakura said I was supposed to be following a rabbit of some sort… I think I had heard this scenario somewhere before, I just don't remember where. Okay then, I might as well start wandering in hopes of finding something.

And so I began walking through the forest, gazing and gawking at all the bright and colorful flowers that were like archways leading me to somewhere. After a while of mindless drifting, I noticed a large mushroom patch in front of me… except on a few of the shorter ones, there were books piled up, all of them surrounding the biggest mushroom where a giant figure lounged.

It was a huge caterpillar.

I found myself staring at it, horrified, for a little while, unsure of what exactly I was going to do. I nearly ran back the way I came when I saw it shift over so I saw its face, looking at me with flat eyes.

_Nagato_?!

Yes, it was Nagato in all her glory, except for some reason dressed up as a giant bug. Now I was in utter confusion. "Uh, Nagato? Why are you…?"

She blinked and put down her book (which was being held in two of her six, squirmy legs). "I am the Caterpillar," she deadpanned. "The interface that you call Yuki Nagato does not exist in this universe."

…What?

She blinked slowly this time, as if asking how I hadn't caught on yet. "I am the Caterpillar."

Yes, I get the fact you're a caterpillar. What I want to know is… actually, never mind. Where am I?

"Wonderland."

…Excuse me?

She grabbed the book she was reading before and held it up for me to see. It was in English, what a pain, but I knew enough that I could make out what it said: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

I'm in the _book_?

Nagato shook her head. "No. This is an alternate universe created by Haruhi Suzumiya. It is difficult to put into words humans can comprehend. It is also difficult for me as an individual for I am not the interface of whom you are acquainted. I only have some of the characteristics and knowledge the interface known as Yuki Nagato possesses, however it is enough for myself to pass as her. Other life forms in this universe may not be aware of this fact; I am one of the select few who do." She opened the book again and began scanning the pages.

Okay, let me get this straight. You aren't the real Nagato, and this is something created by Haruhi… and that Asakura I saw earlier wasn't her either?

Nagato pointed down at one of the funguses. "Mushroom."

I stared at her dumbly. Yes, that is a mushroom. What about it?

"Eat it."

Hell no. I'm not eating or drinking anything weird again. Besides, aren't mushrooms straight from the ground poisonous?

"One side of the mushroom makes you increase in size by an incomprehensible amount, and the other lets you return to your original size. It is not dangerous." She managed to say this all while not looking up from her book.

"Which side is which?" I asked cautiously.

Nagato was giving me the silent treatment now, not bothering to deal with me anymore. Fine, but I swear it's the last time I'm doing this. I approached the mushroom she pointed at earlier and ripped off a piece from both sides. I took a small bite from the bit in my right hand.

_Oh crap oh crap oh crap that's not good!_

I was growing rapidly, my head sprouting up into the treetops. I was hitting branches every second, leaves getting into my hair and eyes. Pretty soon I broke through the forest's roof, and I had a clear view of the land around me, which was pretty much just forest. I immediately stuffed the other piece (which had grown with me, thank God) into my mouth, and I zoomed back down to the forest floor.

Nagato and her mushroom patch were now tiny, so I had gone back to my original size. I bent down a bit and whispered, "Er, thanks Nagato."

The caterpillar simply nodded.

I stood up straight and took a look around – the forest was still as impressive – the leaves and tree trunks were all different colors, which sort of made up for the lack of flowers.

I suddenly heard a voice coming from in front of me, deeper into the colorful wood. Slowly and carefully, I decided to follow it and I could soon hear what it was saying:

"A-ahh! I can't be lost! No no no! I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! I have no time to say hello or good-bye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm _late_!" I could see, as I stepped into a small clearing, that it was a girl… a beautiful, white bunny-suited girl… I found myself marveling at her exposed back, _ah, no, that's dirty, stop it_.

She turned around so I could see (I guessed correctly) Asahina Mikuru's sweet face, blushing and all around too cute as she tried to figure out where she was.

I wasn't very well hidden, apparently, for her eyes were able to rest on me, and she gasped. "O-oh! Kyon-kun! You're here!" She smiled softly. "That's a relief. I was so worried you wouldn't make it…"

Asahina-san? Worried about me? Oh, no need, I'm fine, I'm flattered that you would be so sweet as to think of me….

Her eyebrows lowered a little, confused. "Umm, I'm sorry, what do you mean?"

Nothing. Never mind.

Asahina tilted her head curiously, her bunny-ears falling to the side. "I'm sorry. Umm, anyway…" She looked at her watch on her left hand (when does Asahina-san ever wear a watch?) and began pacing again. "I'd love to talk to you more, but I'm afraid I'm late for something important!" She turned to me again and waved. "I'll see you later, okay?" And so the flustered Asahina took off into the forest.

"H-hey! Wait!" I called after her, following her into the trees, dodging low branches.

"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date," she was saying franticly. "No time to say good-bye or hello, I'm late I'm late I'm late!" She continued chanting this, but chasing after her voice led me to no where. She had managed to outrun me, for her gentle voice faded away into the rustling of the leaves.

I stopped running, panting heavily and my face sweaty. Oh, that's just great. I had found who I was looking for, and just to my luck she (of all people) outran me. _Ugh_.

It was official – I had no freaking clue where I was. It looked the exact same as it did before, there was no change whatsoever in scenery. Though, after stopping to rest, I realized I could _smell _something… something warm and delicious.

Curse my curiosity; I stepped forward again, trying to track down where the scent was coming from.

Oh Haruhi, I bet you're getting a kick out of this, watching me wander aimlessly throughout this twisted place you've created. I sure as hell hope you're happy.

* * *

A/N: Yay for chapter three. :3

You probably already know this, but for those of you who don't, LunarEclipse896 also has an AoW parody out titled "Kyon in Wonderland." In all honesty, I didn't know that there was one already floating around here... ahaha... sorry. ^^; I won't try to copy anything, I promise. If the character casting is the same, I'm really sorry. I really, truly am. I'll take this entire story down if you want me to.

I'm going to be on vacation for a few days starting on Monday. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out by then, but if not, you'll have to wait until Friday. Sorry.

Hope you enjoyed yada yada yada sorry for grammar issues yada yada yada I'm so unoriginal yada yada yada review. xD


	4. To Meet the Duchess

--Chapter Four: _To Meet the Duchess, the Dogs, and the Smiley Bastard_--

A cottage – that's where the smell was coming from. Just a simple woodland house, not bizarre like the rest of the forest… hell, it was actually refreshing to see something so normal.

Refreshing, but just a bit unsettling too.

So, I approached it. Well, what would _you_ do in this situation if you don't think it's a good idea? I knocked on the door tentatively. Somewhere from inside the house an alarm sounded, reminding me of a cuckoo clock.

"I'll be right there," a voice chimed from inside. The tone sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on where I had heard it before….

There was a lot of rattling all of a sudden – rummaging and shattering and things dropping. Just as I was about to run for my life, the door opened, and greeting me was a beautiful maid, smiling courteously.

…Where have I…?

"Please do come in!" she said cheerfully, walking back inside and leaving the door open for me. "It's been _ever_ so long since I had a visitor!"

The place was absolutely spotless – all of the furniture was moonlight silver, including the walls and kitchen area near the back. The only other color in the metallic-like room was the bright red rugs spread out along the floor, as if trying to hide the silver carpet. It looked like something from a cheap sci-fi movie, not a house in the middle of a wood. Sadly, it seemed I was too quick to jump to a conclusion that this place was normal.

"Please, sit," the maid said, bowing her head. "Oh, clumsy me, I forgot to introduce myself. I am the Duchess, or, I suppose you might know me as Mori Sonou. But please call me the Duchess."

_Oh_. She's the maid from the island, isn't she?! She's an esper, then, right? Then could she tell me what was going on?

Mori-san giggled. "Oh, what would be the fun if I told you any of the answers?" she said as if reading my mind. Suddenly her smile turned into that of worry, a frown on her face. "I'm afraid I'm a bit preoccupied with something at the moment. My son… er… yes, my son, hasn't returned from his stroll through the forest yet. I'm awfully worried about him…"

You let your son go off wandering through _that_ forest? What kind of mother are you?

Returning to her smile, she asked, "Do you want a cup of tea?"

I shrugged as I plopped down on the couch, almost being eaten by its immense cushions. "Uh, yeah, sure," I mumbled, trying to sit up right.

"Wonderful!" The maid gracefully glided towards the back of the house. She picked up a silver (who could've guessed?) teapot and a fragile-looking red teacup and began pouring the steamy liquid. "I hope you like it, it's a special blend. It took me forever to come up with it, so I hope you enjoy. I was brewing it before, it had quite a nice scent, you should have been—"

Out of nowhere there was a loud cry coming from outside, interrupting Mori-san and jolting both of us out of our quiet conversation. It sounded cat-like… in fact, I think it _was_ a cat, squealing and hissing and spitting. I looked over at Mori-san – she wore a look of complete terror on her face, her eye twitching slightly.

"My _boy_!" she cried out, tears streaming down her face. "My darling, precious boy! I shouldn't have let him go out! Now the Queen's Dogs are going to get him – eat him alive!" Her eyes became hard and powerful all of a sudden and stopped crying. "Well, not if I have anything to say about it!"

Mori-san charged out the door, screaming wildly. I followed her, lost and completely confused. Outside, a pack of four large, gruesome white dogs were pawing and biting at… well, from this angle, a cowering purple blob. The canines all had a bright red mark, shaped like what resembled a heart, over their left eye… not the most menacing coat, but their fangs and claws sort of made up for that, even at this distance.

"_Taste my power, you mangy, stupid mutts_!" the maid roared. The dogs lifted their heads up to look up, and what they saw was a giant, white, puffy dress flying straight towards them.

Oh how confused they must have been.

"Take _this_! And _that_! Yeah, you better run, you cowards! Hiyah! Tooyahh!" The dogs yipped and screeched as Mori-san began beating the everlasting crap out of them, using methods of karate and kung-fu I've never even seen.

My God, is she like this in real life, or is it just Haruhi's doing?

The purple thing she was defended raised its head, and after seeing the maid, it turned and sprinted (incredibly fast) right past me and into the house.

After whacking the last remaining dog in the nose to shoo it off, Mori-san bolted into the house after it.

"Is my baby boy alright?" she cooed softly as I closed the door behind me. "It's alright, they won't hurt you now. Come on out, it's alright…" She was talking to a large lump under one of the crimson rugs. It shifted nervously, but relaxed, and poked its head out.

"Mew~."

Holy _shit_.

I backed up against the wall, my mouth agape, as I stared horrified at what sat up and shook the rug off its back, and what Mori-san was practically smothering senseless with hugs and kisses.

It was Koizumi.

Dressed in purple cat ears, a tail, paws, and a long striped pink and purple shirt to match.

_What the hell is wrong with this world_?!

"Oh, Kyon-kun, I didn't realize you were here." He grinned, which looked a bit more… pronounced than normal. "It's nice you see you, meow~!"

I didn't respond.

Mori-san was tightly wrapped around him, squeezing him so hard his eyes were beginning to bulge out. And, for the most part, he looked quite pleased with himself, smiling wider… was that a _fang_ I saw at the corner of his mouth?!

He quirked his head to the side while his tail swished back and forth next to him, trying not to get squished. "Kyon-kun, what's wrong? You look shocked."

When the hell did you become a furry?!

"…I see." He looked at his paws, and his ear twitched. "Well, I'm supposed to be playing the role of the Cheshire Cat… but, Suzumiya-san seemed to have gone overboard with the costume design." He smiled apologetically and shrugged his shoulders. "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

After Mori-san let go of him reluctantly, he trotted over (dude, stand up on two legs, you're creeping me out more than you normally do) to me and plopped down by my feet. I scooted to the side reflexively. "So how's your adventure so far, mew?"

Tell me what the hell is going on and maybe I'll consider sharing it with you.

"Well, Nagato-san told you where we are already didn't she?" Koizumi lied down as he said this, stretching and yawning. "Have you heard the story of Alice in Wonderland?"

If you're going to start explaining, please do so _normally_. "It rings a bell, but I don't think I've ever heard it completely. It's an English story, isn't it?"

"Oh. No wonder you're so confused." There was a pause. "Yes, it is a British story. Well, think of it like a play: all of us are playing characters from the story. For example, you are Alice. I believe that Suzumiya-san saw, or read, this tale recently, and was fascinated by it. So, of course, she created an alternate dimension where we can act it out as much as we want."

Koizumi brought his tail towards him and started grooming the tip. (Would you please _stop it_?! I'm in the farthest corner away from you but you're still scaring me.) "Mmm, she doesn't want to be the main protagonist herself, apparently, for that is your role. My best guess is that she wanted a position with more power, for Alice in the original story is weak and naïve." He managed to say this all between steady licks. "I'm actually a little confused by all of this myself, but oh well, that's Suzumiya-san for you. Usually when she creates spaces with a sort of back-story behind them, unlike closed space, the people already living there are characters she created with her own imagination. However, in this case, people she knows whether they're just random people at school or her close friends are taking the roles of the characters." He stopped talking/grooming and looked up at me. "It's perplexing, and I can't help but feel a little troubled by it. I believe that the others got different experiences when given their role, because Mori-san here told me something different than what I endured… and she seems to have gone through a personality change."

And you haven't?

He chortled, and then turned to Mori-san, who was busy fiddling with her dress in the corner of the room. She noticed the two of us staring at her and smiled warmly.

"I'm sorry, but if you'll please excuse me, I must be going," she said politely, bowing her head. "I've been invited to the Queen's Castle – the Queen herself! What an honor."

It sounded forced.

"Good-bye, Kyon. I'll see you later okay?" She chuckled softly before heading outside, leaving the door open.

…

Wait, now _she's _calling me Kyon too?!

It was quiet for a few seconds until I felt Koizumi's head on my shoulder. "Kyon-kun, what do you want to do now, meow~?" he asked in an incredibly annoying voice. His ear twitched simultaneously with my eye.

"Get away from me, you moron," I muttered, resisting the urge to kick him as I moved away towards the door. He giggled again.

"I believe I saw the White Rabbit heading towards the Mad Hatter when I was out and about," he said. "Of course, that's quite an adventure. But that's how the story is supposed to play out."

Just get me away from here – away from ninja maids, talking caterpillars, and you.

"Very well." He brushed past me (on two legs, thank goodness) and into the open air. He looked back and had that same anybody-who-trusts-me-is-an-idiot grin on his face. "I'll show you part of the way, or else we might never get out of here."

Whatever. I could care less at this point how I do it, just show me the way out.

And so, after closing the door to the homey cottage, I began following the sort-of-kind-of-not-really cat version of Koizumi through the rainbow forest looking for a certain "Mad Hatter."

Oh, this will be _loads_ of fun.

* * *

A/N: Whoa, there was a big-ass paragraph in there. For some reason that doesn't seem right. o_O

While I was on vacation I printed out this chapter and edited it manually. However, soon as I was a hundred percent sure I had copied all the corrections, GUESS WHAT? My computer DIES. Without SAVING. I, needless to say, was pissed off. So there is a high possibility I missed some more grammar issues.

...I still haven't edited out the honorifics, sorry. I'll get around to it, I promise. Eheh. IHOPEYOUENJOYEDDESPITETHAT.


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